The First Time
by Cutieqtpie
Summary: An Abby POV story that takes place in the future but reflects the past. Read the fic to see what I mean.


I wrote this story in one night because the idea just popped into my head and I just started writing. Please review because I am very proud of this story and want to know what other think as well. This is a very different piece for me because usually I write more dialogue. This is much more mental (if you know what I mean). It's told completely from Abby's POV and it is a Carby (as if I was capable of writing anything else).  
  
Disclaimer: Come on.let's not pretend that we don't know what a disclaimer is. Just writing the word should be good enough.  
  
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The first time I saw them, I physically shuttered. I had been there the night the wounds had been opened, but it was different seeing them three years later on the man that I was growing to care for. That year was the last year I ever celebrated Valentine's Day. After that, it didn't seem that there was anything to celebrate, and the hospital was permanently changed forever. God forbid some unassuming med student happened to walk smiling into the ER with candy hearts and anything else that would recognize the holiday. Someone would finally tell them some time into their shift and they would walk around the rest of the time with a guilty look on their face and their head hung in the shame that they had not known what everyone else knew. It was like this one day of hell every year and I knew that that must have been how every day had been for him for a long time.  
  
The first time I saw them, I wasn't sure how to react. I wanted to hold him tightly and comfort him for the pain I know he was still living through. It was that first time we made love. Our bodies lay entwined together and I reached my hand over his side and gently traced the two smooth lines that felt different than the rest of the skin. He watched my face as I did it, obviously afraid that I would run away in horror. But I proved him wrong. I was not the only one he had been with since that night, but I was the only one that had been there that night and seen him lying on that table, bleeding and in pain.  
  
The first time we met, I didn't realize how gorgeous his dark brown eyes were. Now he claims that he loved me from the first minute he saw me, but I always laugh at him because I don't believe in love at first sight. Actually, the first time I met him, I didn't even get a good look at him. I was being rushed through the crazy vertex which is the Cook County ER. It seems so long ago now, even though it's only been a couple years. It was so different then. Not so much the people, but the atmosphere. Maybe part of that was Mark. He always had a way to make everyone enthusiastic about their job, even if a patient died, or you were having a crappy day. Maybe the people have changed too now that I think about it. Of course Susan is back, which has made my life so much easier because for the first time in a long time I have a best friend.  
  
The first time I realized what he had been feeling for all those months I was shocked. We sat on that bench by the river and he poured out his heart to me. I watched him walk away and wanted to cry. He had been my best friend. He had been there for me when I needed someone. Throughout everything that happened with my mother, he was always there worrying about me and making sure I was okay. That day at the river, everything in my mind finally clicked. The Oklahoma trip, our date at the museum, the countless cups of coffee and slices of pie, AA meetings. All these things flashed through my mind until his smiling face came into view in my head.  
  
The first time I realized I would possibly love this man for the rest of my life was when my brother came back into my life. He showed up at the spur of the moment, which somewhat concerned me at first, but I was so happy to see him that I pushed those feelings aside. I should have known what was coming. Everything was going too well in my life for a short period of time. Then it happened. The train wreck. Yet this time it was different. A different situation and two different men. One man had always been the constant thing in my life, the new man promised to be it from that time forward. As he had done so many times, he rescued me from the reality of my fucked up life. I didn't understand it then, and I still don't understand now why he does it or how he can always come up with the right way to fix anything life throws at us.  
  
The first time I was truly scared of losing him forever came too soon. I took him for granted sometimes and we both knew it. I've always been one to push things to the limit to see how much trouble I could get myself into. The same thing happened with Luka. I know which buttons to press to send someone over the edge. John always seemed to ignore me, but this time I knew it had gone too far. My brother showing up at his grandmother's funeral and falling in the grave was too horrible for anyone to handle. He started distancing himself after that. Or maybe it was before, who knows. There was life before the ring and life after the ring. I thought I had failed him and I was scared shitless. Then he went to Africa. I thought I could stop him if I changed. This time, however, I actually did it for the right reasons, for myself. But he left anyways. He probably wouldn't even have told me if Luka hadn't called me. He would have been gone and I would have no idea where he had gone or how long he would be there or where we stood. I knew that turning to my old ways wouldn't help anyone so I did what I knew I had to do. I stayed strong.  
  
The last time I was this nervous was the first time I kissed him. Or rather he kissed me. He was so calm about it, while I was shouting at myself on the inside. I hadn't expected a smallpox outbreak to bring us together. I'm sure that's a story we'll tell our kids someday. Kids. I didn't used to think that was possible. Until I met him. Amazing isn't it. I'm walking down the aisle towards him and instead of concentrating on what's going on, I'm dwelling on memories in the past. All the events that have brought us to this day, with family and friends gathered to celebrate with us. It's a miracle that we even made it here. It seems like everyday brings its own conflicts and resolutions and we're just living life like that, day by day. A conversation we had about the chaos theory suddenly flies into my head. What were his words? "Seemingly random events all part of a larger equation." Everything good or bad that has happened to us led us to today. Right now. This life we have made with each other.  
  
I smile as I reach him and he takes my hand and we take a step closer to the minister. He smiles back at me and mouths "I love you" and gives my hand a small squeeze. Several minutes later, the minister pronounces us husband and wife and he leans towards me so we can share our first kiss as a married couple. That's the good thing about firsts. You never know where they're going to take you.  
  
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